


Because I had you

by luthorstark



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: ...ish?, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Jealousy, Post-Break Up, SuperCorp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 13:53:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14833496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luthorstark/pseuds/luthorstark
Summary: It's been three years since Supercorp started dating and everything is candy and rainbows. Until Lena gets a call from her brother and her mother's threats get unbearable.She just loves Kara way too much for their own good, hence, she has to do the only thing she never thought she would have to. Lena breaks up with her girlfriend and lets Kara believe she found someone new.





	Because I had you

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I hope you enjoy!

"We need a break," Lena sighed, ruffling her dark hair with trembling hands. She paced back and forth the hallway of their huge apartment, her anguish reflecting in the glass of their family’s photo portraits hung on the stark white walls. "This is not working. I need some time away from you." She let out a last shaky breath then  heard Kara let out an incredulous laugh.

"What? What the hell are you talking about?" Her slim body supported all of her weight on the doorway of the room, full Supergirl costume. Her hands locked in fists, and her breathing began to betray her, skipping a few wheezes of fresh air.

The deep red cape wrapped around her neck fluttered behind her and Kara saw Lena’s skin rise in goosebumps, due to the icy breeze that came in through the window left open by herself, minutes after she had arrived home.  She couldn’t even afford to think about closing it after she landed on the wooden floor, since she saw her girlfriend clinging to a bottle of expensive wine as if her life depended on it.

The blonde tried to comfort her, but anything she tried ended up getting guttural shouts from Lena. "We both knew that this-” She pointed between her and Kara with her index finger –“Would never work, Supergirl." The youngest Luthor spoke slipping words on her tongue, elbows propped up on the table and a glass of wine clacking against her perfect teeth. Kara shuddered, if there was something she hated with her whole heart and kryptonian soul, it was being called Supergirl by Lena since the woman was Kara’s safe place, and the only one the Girl of Steel could be _herself_ with.

The heroine's brows collided as she frowned. She took a few steps trying to get closer to her girlfriend but jumped in clear surprise when Lena yelled at her, asking for space. She was totally confused, beyond that even. Kara had no idea what she had done wrong, much less knew why Lena looked like she was going to throw the bottle of wine in her pale hands at her any second.

"Come on, baby." Lena leapt in the kitchen stool and growled. That pure action did not stop Kara from talking. "What's wrong? What happened while I was gone?” She extended her hand to wrap the dark haired woman’s wrist, but Lena just pulled away sharply, avoiding the blonde's touch. “We can talk about it, Lee. You know you can always trust me." Kara sighed, much louder this time and scratched the back of her neck anxiously.

"Do not call me that, never again." She spat, almost disgusted. Lena raised her gaze, connecting her bloodshot eyes to the blue iris of her girlfriend's innocent eyes.

"Let's talk. Drop that bottle and talk to me.” Kara implored with despair, not very excited by the metaphoric storm she felt coming their way.

"Damn it!" Lena moaned with pity – Kara didn’t really know who she was pitying- and stood up from her seat, almost falling face to the floor if it hadn’t been for sweet loving Kara who reached out and held her physiology in her strong arms. The bottle dropped from her hands and exploded on the ground. A puddle of liquid pooled around it, and Kara carried Lena to the couch, throwing her there to avoid some accident with the pieces of glass scattered on the floor.

Lena sobbed desperately, and clutched the solid fabric of Kara's skirt. The blonde pursed her lips, trying to prevent the growing wails in her throat. She bent down, levelling her face with Lena’s as she sought for green eyes.

“Hey honey, look at me. Breathe, would you do that for me?” The hero asked her, and cupped her face in her hands. Her baby blue eyes shone with tears, and she licked her lips worried before she exclaimed “Look, you’ll always have me. No matter what, Lee.”

“That’s the fucking point, Kara!” She spoke with her hands “I don't want it. I don’t need you, not anymore.”

Air left Kara’s lungs; feeling like the blood in her veins drained, escaping from her body leaving her looking pale, almost like a ghost. She stood up, and put her hands on both sides of her waist, looking down at her girlfriend, snuggled on the couch. Her stare became cold, and her slightly trembling hand rushed its way through her messy blond hair. “What?” Kara laughed, not believing the words that just left Lena’s mouth.

“That’s it. I don’t want you, Kara” Lena answered dryly, her voice plain and bored. She tightened her grip on Kara's grip and then, finally, blew out a breath letting it go. Her short legs reached for the floor and then she climbed to her feet, ready to make her way to their bedroom. Not giving a damn at the way Kara was looking at her, she just walked quickly until strong fingers encircled her forearm, turning the dark haired woman around.

“Why? ...why now?” The blonde gulped, and a tear slipped through her cheeks down to her sharp jawline, her eyes now looking as red as Lena’s. She was shaking and Lena bit her lip drawing blood from it, everything to avoid falling apart in front of the woman she loved more than her own life. The only person capable of stealing her heart, and the only one to have a permanent spot in her rotten soul.

“Didn’t you see it coming? Good god, Kara. Did you really believe that everything between us was going to work?” Words rolled out of her tongue slowly, trying to make Kara understand.

“Everything was working out perfectly three hours ago.” The Girl of Steel snapped and Lena laughed feeling her heart shatter in her chest.

Tripping over her feet, she let loose of the blonde’s embrace and started walking backwards. In seconds, she saw Kara losing her cool.

“Why?!” A steaming Kara crashed her fist to the wall, leaving a fist-sized hole there. Lena jumped and looked at her scared, she knew her girlfriend would never hurt her; the fact that Kara would hurt herself was the thing that frightened all her insides, “Why now?! Tell me, Lena. What changed? I thought we were just fine.” After she voiced her thoughts, her shoulders slumped and her head tilted to the side.

The CEO swallowed constantly, while she twisted the rings on her fingers. Her breaths quickened and her posture hunched, making her look smaller. And Kara almost cried at the sight; her usually confident girlfriend turned into a stuttering mess making her even more desperate, and she tried so hard to get the truth out of her mouth. But Lena had made her mind, she crossed her arms over her chest and grasped on the last puffs of air given to her. _She had to do it_ she keep telling herself, but it was easier said than done.

Lena treasured Kara more than anything in her world, that’s why she had to protect the hero of all evil and was there any other way for that better than pushing her away? So, gathering all her courage, Lena rocked from side to side and with shaking hands and clenched jaw she finally mouthed the words “I fell in love with someone else.”

As those seven words abandoned her plump lips, she saw her fear, disgust and sadness reflect in Kara’s dark and lifeless eyes. The blonde froze in her spot, and her lips parted slightly as her big eyes widened in surprise. The sunny girl looked like she was in trouble, if her twisted mouth meant anything and Lena crinkled her nose, clearly disgusted at herself.

Kara tried to speak but words didn’t seem to be capable of leaving her mouth, she tried twice and even three times, but she just failed attempt after attempt. The blonde took a few steps back and held her stomach with one hand, as the other ran through her hair aggressively. When she succeeded, Lena felt her heart break at how soft her voice sounded.

“Oh, darling. I understand” The blonde murmured. Lena realised she was crying when she felt her cheeks dampened, sobs sharply running through her throat. “No, baby. Don’t cry please, you know I hate it when you cry” She begged.

It was the worst feeling in the world. How could she be so understanding and lovely? Even though Lena was the one breaking things up, Kara just listened and took care of her. That made Lena hate Kara, because the blonde was so easy to love yet so hard to leave; there was no way she could move on into a life where Kara didn’t love her anymore, still, she had to. A pang in her chest warned her, telling her to quit being a ridiculous girl, woman-up and hold the sad puppy standing no more than five feet away in her arms.  A few glimmers of hope sprang up in her chest, but Lena knew she wouldn't be able to achieve it, she knew she would never be what Kara needed.

Kara approached, and then, once again she cupped Lena’s face in her hands, tears still bright in her eyes. She rubbed the pad of her thumbs gently over Lena cheekbones and kissed the tip of her nose. “Why…why didn’t you tell me?” Soft breaths hit Lena’s lips as Kara questioned lowly, the doubt of herself clear in her expressions.

“I had no idea how to tell you” Lena closed her green eyes. The petite woman hid her face in the crook of Kara’s neck and breathed heavily.

“That’s okay. You’re going to be fine,” The hero spoke softly to Lena’s ear, and Lena caught the meaning of those words. They stood there for a few minutes, till Kara finally made her mind up and separated herself from her – _soon to be ex_ – girlfriend. Her hands grasped Lena’s shoulders and made their path from there to her wrists, she held a slender hand and kissed Lena’s knuckles. “I love you, and I really hope you get your happy ending with whoever they are,” She gave her and reassuring smile, but then her next words ruined Lena’s heart for everyone else. “You will always be the love of my life, but please, don’t come back to me if your change your mind.” Her voice sounded damaged and broken, almost inaudible when she murmured something about not being able to bear it. Kara spared her a last glance and dragged her feet to the open floor-to-ceiling window. “Good bye, love.”

The dark haired woman squinted her eyes warily, watching her now ex-girlfriend leave their home. And when she heard a loud sound coming from the sky, meaning the sound barrier was just broken, Lena let her own heart break too. She clutched Kara’s hoodie in her hands, right above her chest, where her heart was supposed to beat. The young woman fell to her knees and sobbed heavily, feeling her body shake with every cry and whine. It broke her, having to lie to her favourite human, but she didn’t trust herself for it to work, nobody trusted her to make things work.

Right there, crying and grieving on her knees, Lena blamed the world and cursed her family. Blamed her mother, blamed Lex and she was gutted enough even to blame Kara. If she hadn’t fallen in love with the sweet reporter, she wouldn’t be crying her pathetic ass out. But things never seemed to be in her favour, so, she was mourning her most recent loss. And she hated that, in the middle of her own drama, the love of her life had gotten hurt. Since the only that good looking blondie deserved was nothing but love and all sort of good things.

In the middle of her sorrows, Lena prayed to whoever was supposed to be up there in heaven that Kara could find someone able to love her the way Lena did, and no matter what, would stick to her side. More important, she begged for a way to fix her broken heart, because the pain she feel thrumming throughout her whole anatomy was truly awful. Lena was aching and she would had clung to every chance, no matter how small, of letting them both recover from all the heartbreak she had brought over Kara and herself.

With heavy steps, an exhausted Lena made her way to a now empty bedroom with a bed full of memories and remainders of everything she could’ve had but lost laid everywhere. She looked with disdain at the picture gazing at her, both of their smiles were so pure and real, how could she had been so naïve? Thinking everything was going to work her way. Of course, Lillian and Lex fucking Luthor had to get on Lena’s way to happiness and make the rest of her days a living hell. The young women sighed and succumbed to sleep, letting her dreams flow freely crashing into waves of blue eyes, soft hands and warm smiles.

 

_I think it's time that I'd be honest_

_Should've told you not to go_

_Thought I knew just what I wanted_

_I didn't know myself at all_

 

//

 

The dark haired woman groaned and held head in between her hands. It was two on a Saturday morning, who the hell would be bothering her this early? She untangled herself of the cold silk sheets and went looking for her satin robe in her en suite bathroom. Then she stumbled across the living room, still hungover, and reached for the door. Without taking a glance Lena opened the door, and immediately regretted her choice. A tall and well-built Alexandra Danvers was standing on her penthouse’s doorway, arms crossed over her chest and an eyebrow raised slightly, intimidating the fuck out of Lena. The younger woman gulped heavily and tightened the knot of her robe’s tie.

“Man, you look like shit.” She said, and stepped into her apartment. Alex looked around the place like if she was looking for something, more accurate, someone. “Listen to me, Lena. I really like you and let’s skip that bullshit, but it is really annoying when my sister doesn’t answer my calls in order to enjoy those sexcapades and I kind of need her, so...where is Kara?”

Lena laughed nervously and threw a confused look at her friend. “What do you mean where’s Kara?” She spluttered and worried her lower lip in between a perfect set of teeth.

The agent glanced at her even more confused, and anxiety started to form in Lena’s gut. “Isn’t she here?” Lena shook her head, not finding words to speak. “Damn, Luthor. You’re scaring me. The last time I saw her she was coming to see you, did she get here?” Alex spoke softly twisting the cuffs of her jacket, her usual tell of nervousness.

“She did,” Lena admitted, then blushed with embarrassment. “But she left.”

“Why?”

“I-I…we just” She trailed off and Alex patted her back carefully.

“C’mon, honey. What happened? Are you both okay?” Her voice was warm and caring, just like her sister’s, and Lena shrank remembering that she wouldn’t hear ever again Kara’s soft voice asking for her wellbeing.

“Alex, we broke up.” She stated and then, heard the agent grasp for air.

“What do you mean you broke up?”

“It’s when two people that used to be in a relationship are no longer in it.” The heiress teased, and seconds later let out a self-deprecating laugh.

“I know what that means. But how? No, when? ...why?” Alex pinched her nose, and Lena led her to the sofa in the middle of their-her lounge room. She looked pale and the Luthor almost laughed at the irony of the situation. Who would ever think that Lena would comfort her sister-in-law after her own break up?

“It was just three days ago. She came home after that fight and I...well it happened.” She shrugged it off and stood up. Walking to the kitchen, she asked Alex if she wanted something to drink as she poured herself two fingers of scotch in a glass.

“I’m supposed to be on duty, so I'll pass this time but thank you anyway.”

Lena raised her glass to her and then downed it. She repeated the whole process -skipping the asking Alex part- and tasted the hard liquor in her palate. Before she went for her third drink, Alex stopped her and the woman threw daggers at her with her eyes. If looks could kill...

“Stop that and tell me why.” Alex demanded.

“It is obvious, isn’t it?” Her voice started shaking. Letting herself fall into the couch, she raised her gaze, taking Alex in her line of vision. “We were doomed since the very beginning.”

“But you were so in love and...”

“I am. Sweet lord, I’m so damn in love with that woman.” Lena rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, trying to make her sleepiness go away.

“Then why? Why did you just break things with my sister?” The short haired woman asked, raising her voice slightly. After all, it was her little sister’s heart Lena just broke.

“It was me. Everything was me.” At Alex confused gaze, she made herself clear. “You getting kidnapped, the DEO getting under attack, the terrorist attempt at CatCo, even Kara getting injured with that synthetic kryptonite. It was all me, well, not me _me_ , but my mother’s doing. She warned me constantly and I didn’t listen, now I realise Lillian’s power and how she would use it to destroy everything I adore the most.” Her eyes welled up with tears and then she whispered under her breath, “So I had to, Alex. I had to leave your sister, because I rather have her heartbroken for a while and then move on, than having her hurt for something I know I could’ve avoided. There’s no way I could live with myself knowing that I’ve damaged the most precious thing in my life.”

Alex locked her eyes at the floor, and Lena’s breath grew shallower every passing second.

“Sorry, but your mom is the biggest bitch I’ve ever known.” Her ex’s sister said and Lena laughed, shrugging it off.

“Tell me about it.”

“What are you going to do about it? It’s not like you can stay broken up forever.”

“In fact, we can and we will.” She argued reluctantly. “I was thinking about moving back to Ireland and make Kieran my only name.” A sharp thunder made its way through the glass windows and seconds later a lightning bolt showed itself in the almost black sky, warning them about the upcoming storm. “Fucking great.”

“Like if she wouldn’t cross a whole ocean just looking for you.” Alex contributed.

She huffed and with a shaky breath said “I know.”

And she did. Lena knew her babygirl was stubborn enough to cross the Atlantic just to spend a few minutes with her (since she had done so before), but now it was different. They were no longer an item, and even though it ached Lena to admit, Kara’s last words to her clearly meant she wouldn’t look for Lena ever again. Rain drops collided against the windows, and Lena ran the palm of her hands over her almost bare pale legs.

She hadn’t let the thought sink in, but when it did, her head snapped almost giving her whiplash. “Alex, where’s Kara?”

Lena saw realisation dawn in Alex’s deep brown eyes. She stoop up abruptly pacing back and forth through the empty space between the couch and the TV, almost tripping over the white fur carpet laying on the floor.

“I just completely forgot about my little sister.” She admitted from her spot on the couch, now sounding panicked.

“I know.” Lena bit her perfecty manicured nails, fidgeting with the golden bracelet on her wrist.

“Where the hell could she be? It’s not like she could get anywhere without one of us.” Lena laughed at Alex’s selection of words, swallowing her fear.

“She could be literally anywhere.”

“That’s not helping, Luthor.”

“Stop queering my pitch.” Lena felt her insides revolve around the feeling of uneasiness. She was scared, and she had no idea where Kara would be. The torrential storm didn’t do a thing to soothe her.

“She hasn’t returned my calls yet, but her phone still rings so it’s hasn’t been turned off.” Alex said matter-of-factly and Lena nodded. “What did you tell her? How did you break up with Kara?” The agent narrowed her eyes at her.

“Uhh, I told her I fell for someone else.”

“Oh, c’mon. That’s low.”

“Don’t you think I know that? But it was the only thing she would truly believe.”

“I hate how right you are.” Alex spoke, holding her phone between her mouth and hand.

“I’m always right about her.” Lena declared, proud of herself.

“Stop being a show off and help me think Kara’s whereabo...” She didn’t finish her sentence as her phone rang, and her eyes widened in surprise. Instantly, Lena knew who it was.

“Put her on speaker.” Lena asked, and Alex did as requested. Leaving the device on the coffee table.

Statics came through the speakers for a few seconds. And then, soft moans were heard. Lena immediately recognised them as Kara’s, being used to the sound it made. When Kara didn’t speak, Alex asked her if everything was okay and her answer sent pangs of pain to Lena’s chest.

“Alex?” Her voice sounded hoarse and so small, Lena almost fell apart right there. “Can you please come and get me? I don’t really know where I am.” She said sheepishly and then sobbed. The CEO had to blink back tears, and she covered her mouth with her hands in clear shock. Lena locked her hands into fists to avoid crying. She did that, she was guilty of Kara's state and Lena feel like vomiting.

Alex raised her eyes and connected with Lena’s concerned pupils. She cleared her throat and proceeded to ask. “What do you see around, baby? Your GPS is on, so it won’t be hard to find you but I need you to talk to me, is that okay?” The agent questioned and climbed to her feet, grabbing her bike’s keys and helmet.

Lena followed right behind her, and when they finally reached the door, the young woman asked Alex to keep her updated about everything, receiving a reassuring smile in exchange. When she finally locked the door of the apartment, Lena broke down and almost ran to her bedroom. Drowning in the feel of Kara’s smell still lingering on the sheets, she tried to sleep but rest never came to her. Little did she now it would become a daily thing.

 

//

 

A couple of weeks later, time found Lena Luthor sick as hell, bent down over her bathroom’s sink. Throwing up every single liter of alcohol she has ingested the past weekend, the CEO felt like dying. Ruffling her already messy hair, she got on her feet and leaned against the cold tiles of the wall. Lena blew a few breaths and went to rinse her mouth, despising the feeling left in her taste buds.

The dark haired woman walked out of the bathroom and made her way to the kitchen, thinking about making coffee for herself. She growled when she remembered the machine broke few days before so Lena opted for water, grabbing a bottle of the transparent liquid from her fridge. A soft moan left her lips, and she silently thanked for the coolly sensation that was so much needed. She went looking for pills in the cabinets, closing one of them with a sharp push when she caught a glimpse of toucan Sam looking at her from Kara’s Froot Loops box. Her heart skipped a beat and she cursed herself, it has been almost a month so why the hell would a freaking box of cereal affect Lena so much?

Sighing, she decided to take a seat. It was exhausting and Lena was already growing tired of her new life. Every day was the same; get up, work from five to eleven, go to some club, get blindly drunk, find a girl to hook up with (The majority of them being blue eyed blondes, never as pretty as her blue eyed beauty, but they remembered Lena of her nonetheless), call Gerard to pick her up in the early hours of the morning, repeat. Lena craved for normalcy again, she missed the domestic life she had with Kara; she just missed her in general.

Lena stared blankly at the phone sitting in front of her until it started ringing, startling the woman in the process. She reached out for the device and slid her thumb on the screen.

“Lena Luthor.” Her voice monotonous as always.

“I know who you are, no need to remind me. Thank you very much.” Lena heard Alex laugh and her lips curled up in the barest hint of a smile. Believe it or not, they have grown closer since the break-up, and the CEO was so very grateful for her because otherwise she would have already been found dead in the penthouse. Lena knew, somehow, Alex understood what she was trying to accomplish even though she couldn’t understand some of her coping methods.

“Sorry, I’m used to it.” She answered and played with the loose threads of her sweater.

“How are you?”

“Still hungover, what about you?”

“It’s like two in the afternoon, Luthor. What the fuck?” Alex questioned.

“Rough weekend. What are you doing?” She asked, curious at the background noise.

“Training the little demon’s energy out of her system.” The agent replied, a few seconds later Lena heard brick crashing into something, and then a groan.

“How has she been?” Lena dared to ask, dreading the answer. The last time she saw Kara was a week and a half ago in L-Corp’s latest gala because no matter what, Lena Luthor was still Supergirl’s protégé. The heroine looked as breathtakingly beautiful as ever, except for the dark bags under her eyes and the constant shake of her hands that Lena noticed even though she had tried to hide it.

“To be honest, I have no idea,” They both sighed and Lena hummed, encouraging Alex to continue. “She hasn’t spoken to me since then, and every time I try to talk to her she says everything’s okay and then leaves. I have no idea where she’s staying at or even if she’s sleeping and I’m worried to death for her. Kara just stops by the DEO to do her reports and in no more than three minutes, she is up up and away.”

“I’m so sorry, Alex,” Lena cried out, “Do you think I did right?” She whispered her thoughts, hoping for Alex to soothe her fears away.

“I don’t know either, Lena, “Alex admitted, making the dark haired woman grimace. “I mean, yes, your mother is a psycho bitch whom threatened you with hurting Kara. But I think this whole thing is hurting her even more. For fuck’s sake, she’s invincible, I can’t seem to find out how your mother could damage her.”

“We’re not, that’s how.” She stated, and waited for Alex response.

“Once we find and destroy all the kryptonite she has left, you need to get back to her. Lena you have to get back to my sister. She’s a big woman and I’m pretty sure Kara can take care of herself, so do we.”

Of course Lena could take care of herself, she was a black belt. But it was a completely kind of fear, the kind of fear that makes one desperate to think about. It conceived pain, more than a physical pain, it was emotional agony. Lena was aware of how strong and capable Kara was, but in the same way she was too vulnerable and her heart could be crushed in pieces if anything ever happened to her loved ones. That was the main reason Lena did what she did, because she could live with the guilt of breaking Kara’s heart, but she couldn’t deal with the fact of the blonde hating herself for something that wasn’t even her fault. Kara Danvers deserved the whole world, and Lena lamented she couldn’t give it to her.

“We won’t, Alex. She told me not to come back for her.”

“She’s out there thinking you found someone else, how would you feel?”

The youngest of the Luthors cleared her throat and spoke softly. “There’s no way I could know that.”

“I promise you I’ll do everything in my hands to make sure they don’t bother you ever again. So you can come back to my sister and be the disgusting couple you always were.” Lena laughed and Alex followed quickly. “Look, I gotta go. The little demon is looking at me like she would burn a hole in my skull with her heat vision at any point.”

“Wait, did she hear us?” Her tone raised an octave, enough to make Lena sound panicked.

“No. You know she wouldn’t intrude our privacy.” A last rustle of air was heard, and then they shared their goodbyes.

Before hanging up, Lena heard her voice and her heart stopped in its tracks, she missed her so much it physically hurt. Kara elicited an excited shout, calling for someone’s name. The brunette caught her ex calling out for someone whose name was Imra. _Imra_ , was that even a name? If anything, the blonde’s tone was jovial and untroubled, like if she had been expecting the woman for a long time and the pure thought of Kara missing someone who wasn’t Lena, made the Luthor’s breath hitch.

An infinite amount of questions ran through Lena’s mind. _Who was this woman? Why was she with Kara? Was she hotter than Lena?_ The most important, _what did she mean to Kara?_

Lena could handle a close friend or best friend, she could even handle a friend with benefits. But the woman didn’t seem able to handle the blonde loving someone else if given the case. Vomit started to rise in the pit of her stomach, burning her throat all the way. She massaged her temples and blinked the pricks of tears away. The pangs of jealousy felt worse than being poked with a stick multiple times, anyway, Lena was well aware that the day would come.

 

_You're with somebody I can't be, yeah_

_But I can tell that you're happy_

 

//

 

And the day came.

It happened when Lena was scrolling throughout her Instagram’s feed. Supergirl’s latest update was a picture of her sitting next to a woman - Lena immediately recognised her as Imra- named Saturn Girl. She looked happy, bright smile and crinkled eyes.

Lena tightened her grip on her phone, and her breath skyrocketed. It didn’t confirm anything at all, but her mind seemed to love playing games with her, of course she didn’t know what she was supposed to think. The picture itself suggest friendship only, but the way Kara’s hand held hers over her shoulder and grinned made the waves of jealousy in Lena’s chest grow bigger and bigger. Like a time bomb waiting to finally explode.

She threw her phone away and downed the remaining wine in her glass before standing up and grabbing her purse from the kitchen countertop. Stumbling her way out of the penthouse, Lena locked the doors and called the elevator. On her way down to the ground floor Kara filled her thoughts, as always.

Since the blonde had found someone else, so would Lena. Not because she held grudges against the heroine, neither because she was spiteful at all. Lena decided to go out there and find another woman just to fill the void in her heart, to fill the sadness and get Kara out of her system. Strange lips against hers and wandering hands over her body was the only way Lena found to move on. And it didn’t work at all, in fact, nothing seemed to work. She was completely desperate, hopeless and broken.

 

 

Two months later, Lena was laying in the blanket extended over the greenish grass. Sipping from her glass and propped up on her elbows, she looked at the sun and squinted her eyes even though they were covered by the barrier of sunglasses. Her skin was already boiling and turning a painful shade of red.

“A penny for your thoughts.” The tall brunette offered, and sat next to her. Lena threw a glance at Sam, but it didn’t last long. She resumed her rushed analysis of the sun, concluding that not even the gigantic star could compare to the brightness of Kara’s smile. “Thinking about her again, Luthor?”

“Let’s be clear, there’s no time of the day where I’m not thinking about her.” The CEO fought back with a groan and dropped her head back

“Ditto.” The woman answered and drank from her glass. Lena stared st her with a confused gaze until she understood.

She had met Sam in a club and the brunette almost became one of her hook-ups. But neither of them got to the action and instead they ended up crying over their exs all night given the fact that, coincidentally, the woman had just gotten out of a long relationship due to her partner not being so understanding about her having a daughter. So, there they were, having a picnic consisting in bottles of wines and whiskey scattered all over Lena’s house backyard. Ireland’s weather treated them nicely, and Lena hummed gratefully at having a friend to be there with and for her. Even when there was nothing she could want more than her blondie’s company, Sam was really good at listening and she supported her no matter what. The woman was the closest thing Lena had to a best friend right now.

Lena had taken the brunette to all the places she took _them_ to. Of course, it was different, but the dark haired woman only wanted to remember all the good times and memories she shared with Kara.

In Greece, they visited The Parthenon and Lena couldn’t help but blush furiously as Sam mocked her when she told the brunette that that was the place where Lena admitted her undying love for Kara. Later, in France, Lena cried all night when they got back to their hotel after having been to the Pont des Arts, where she and the blonde had locked up both of their feelings. She didn’t expect it, but she laughed at Samantha’s antics in Venice while they did a Gondola Ride and she pretended to almost fall out of the wooden boat just like the ten times Lena had told her Kara almost did in their trip to Italy. And last but not least they visited Ireland, more specifically, Lena’s hometown. The place that made her feel safe, at peace and astonishingly happy and the country where after three years of dating, she almost proposed to Kara until, of course, that one call from Lex’s lackey redirected her to her brother’s cell and the bald, insane man made Lena choose between her own well-being or Kara’s. Hence, the dark haired woman lost the love of her life and lost herself in the process.

That way they toured the world. Lena smiling brightly every time she spoke about the reporter, Sam listened to all of her stories joyfully and attentive. And a few times, Lena could feel normal again, even a little bit happy, but those doses of fake happiness didn’t get too far.

At the end of the day she was lonely, and so was the blonde almost 4,200 miles away from her, protecting the city they once called home.

 

_It's time for me to finally meet somebody new_

_Take her to all the places that I took us to_

_And she might help me forget_

_But loving her is something I could never do_

_Because I had you_

 

 


End file.
